Tuesday, April 22, 2008

All good things come to an end... starting my reflections

It has been a while since I have done a real blog, and I do have a few thoughts.
Life has been busy the last month or so, so I have really neglected writing in my journal and blogging my thoughts the last while. I do not know if I had much wisdom anyway! And I am feeling pretty tired today... so, not sure how much I will say.
But, today saw the last few students from Bethany off and I really do feel like my year is done and that this stage of my life is over. Wow, did this year ever go fast! I know that I grew and learned a ton this year in my role as Athletic Director. I am still not sure where God is taking me next... hopefully I will get some direction on a few of my options in the next couple of days!
I will say more on my reflections of my year in the next couple of days, and tell the story of the weekend... we went from beautiful short weather to a snow storm in like 24 hours! Saskatchewan in April... I should have taken pictures!
But, today I want to just talk about a frustration I have with myself and I want to grow in.
The two ministry teams (our musical group "Point of Impact" are doing a tour of Ontario, and a few Manitoba stops and our drama group "Players" are doing a tour of Manitoba and some Saskatchewan and Alberta) left Bethany this morning at 5:30am. I did not say goodbye to these students on Sunday when everyone else left because I figured I had another day to say goodbye. Well, Monday night I was busy until later in the evening, so I decided that I would wake up at 5:00 am to see them off at 5:30 am. When my alarm went off at 5:00 am I kind of questioned myself. My thinking is kind of strange sometimes, and I wondered if I would be the only non-ministry team staff member there and if the students would think I am the creepy staff member who got up early to see them off!
But, I decided I would go, and I was so encouraged to say goodbye to all of them. It brought some real closure to my year in many ways... some great men and women who I have grown to appreciate so much. I came as they were praying before hitting the road, and I could see on their faces that they were happy and surprised to see me. It made my whole year seem worthwhile to see that I had a positive impact even a little bit on their lives!
And to think that I almost didn't go to see them off!
But, my weird mind kept being silly and when they thanked me for coming out I said that I was up to go to the bathroom already anyway! This was partly true because when I woke up I did go to the bathroom before walking to the school, but why did I have to downplay my coming to see them off?
I have enjoyed supporting the teams all year when they did their Sunday deputations, why couldn't I just make them feel special by admitting that I had woken up early to see them off?
Why do we downplay stuff like this? Maybe other people don't do that, but I do anyway... and it drives me nuts! Why can't I just support people and try to bring joy into people's lives without making excuses or downplaying it? What could it have hurt to just say, "Yeah, I appreciate you guys and got up early to show that I care about you!"
I need to work on this area of my life I guess... just love people and not care if they misunderstand where I am coming from! I just want to encourage and love people, and pray that they see my heart and don't second guess my motives!
OK, I will write more in the coming week... as I reflect on my year, figure out where my future is leading me (at least for the summer) and talk about a few verses that have been brewing in my mind for the last month or so!

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