Death... funerals... memories...
I was in the University of Alberta Hospital to meet with their registrars office about the admissions systems that they use (looking at the potential of a CRM system for the MBA program), but I won't bore you with those details.
As I left my meeting I tried to find a short cut and as I entered the cafeteria area I felt feelings hitting me deep inside of me and I had to get out of the Hospital as quickly as I could. I remembered the elevator and the white pipes and the smell and everything about it and it brought back horrible memories.
... I have not been to many funerals in my life, I had a cousin pass away in a car accident when I was 6 and then my aunt when I was 10, and that was it until I was around 20 or 21. For a while there I wondered how I had escaped the pain of a funeral and how much longer I could go in life with out that experience. I have felt that separation and pain a few time since then, but with that pain there are a lot of memories that flood a person's brain...
It is funny. No that isn't the right word. More like... interesting! Yeah, it is interesting that I have walked by the University of Alberta Hospital every day for the last 11.5 months to and from university, but these feelings never hit me until today. I had thought about entering those doors, as I heard that they would create a shortcut, but I never entered them until today. I even tried to find that short cut on two occasions only to find the wrong door, and then giving up and taking my normal route home today. Not today. Today I found my short cut, and I didn't want to be in this short cut anymore.
You see, the last time I was in that lobby, that cafeteria, was the last time that I saw my Auntie Hilda. I was barely 10 years old then, and I just thought it was an opportunity to go to where the Oilers played hockey! And I thought I could finally see Fantasy Land at West Edmonton Mall!
My Auntie was strong, nothing could take her down! The thought of her Aplastic anemia killing her never even entered my mind! I visited with her in the Hospital, but I KNEW she would get better.
And she did defeat that aplastic anemia, and I was so excited! I couldn't wait to go visit her and my Uncle Stan in Peace River! That place was magical, and we hadn't been able to go there in two years! But she never left that Hospital, she developed a staph infection and suddenly she was gone. I couldn't believe it, she was a rock, she couldn't be gone. I still can't believe it in many ways!
Those were the feelings that flooded my brain in the University Hospital, the thoughts that I had been here before, and not for a good reason. Then I realized that it was when I last saw Auntie... I could almost feel it, I could taste it and smell it and all those memories came back in a flood. Memories of everyone being hushed and sad... and memories of KNOWING she had to get better... but, she didn't get better...
I think that is also why I hate roller coasters, especially those ones at West Edmonton Mall. We spent a lot of time in the Hospital with Auntie when she was sick, but I was convinced that she would beat it, so my little brothers and I wanted to see the magical West Edmonton Mall. So, her son, and one of my favourite big cousin's, Duane, took us to go on the rides at West Edmonton Mall. It was awesome, but even back then it felt hollow because Auntie wasn't there with us!
As I walked back to work other memories started to flood my mind. I remembered Auntie chasing squirrels in her back yard with a broom, and then the next day giving us a little square of carpet that she said was the squirrel pelt (I still have that piece of material). Or memories of her finding the perfect sized photo album for me to organize my hockey card collection, and then helping me think of ways to sort them, but team, position, etc. Memories of going hunting for moose with her and Uncle Stan (another hero who passed away early 2009, I wrote a blog about him shortly after his funeral), and getting stuck, and needing to winch out, learning how to shoot a gun, and getting stuck again. Memories of watching "the Hobbit." Memories of playing with Duane's toys. And memories of Auntie taking Duane's toys away from us because, "Duane will get married someday and I want his kids to be able to play with these toys." (We probably would have wrecked them, but we loved Duane's toys and looked forward to them every year!). Memories of going for walks and climbing up the hill in the backyard to see if the train had driven over our coins during the night. Memories of Auntie making great meals for us. Memories of Auntie worrying about us. Memories of laying on their water bed, and playing with Uncle's bear skins! Memories of walking down the hill to church. Memories of climbing up that hill on the way back from playing in the play ground. Memories of going for chinese food after church. Memories of "12 foot" Davis! I remember Auntie Hilda even coming to help for harvest one fall! I thought this was amazing, my Aunt out there in the grain truck hauling grain late into the night with her younger brother (my Dad)! My Auntie Hilda was amazing, like super woman to me! Most of all I remember Auntie loving us, and Auntie's faith in God.
Then I thought of that first time that I felt the pain and sorrow of death. I remember coming home from our first ever Frank family reunion when I was 6. We had just come in the door and the phone rang. For some reason I knew that someone had died, I don't know why, but I knew it. God has blessed me with this type of premonition or gift of prophecy or something. I always seem to have a dream or something, almost like God is telling me to be prepared for the news before it happens. This has happened on several occasions, even when my dog passed away when I was 12, I knew before my parents told me. Anyway, my parents told me that my cousin Jim had died in a car accident while driving home from the reunion! I didn't know what to feel, I didn't believe it. Jim was such a cool cousin. I remember him at that family reunion, he was so full of life and had become such a man since I had last seen him! I respected him and wanted to be like him. He was living for God and I wanted to live like God like he was. I remember my cousin Joell's wedding when I was 4 or so years old. I don't remember the wedding, all that I remember is the hot tub and the water slide at the Motel. And I remember Jim. I remember that I loved that water slide. But, I would only go down it if Jim or my cousin Duane would go down with me. I would not let anyone else take me down! Not even my Dad! Jim and Duane would always lift me at the right time so that I wouldn't get my head under the water at the bottom of the slide! With everyone else I would get water in my eyes and nose. I mus have driven everyone nuts because I would just sit in that hot tub and people would offer to take me down the slide, but I would only go with Jim or Duane. I will always remember Jim, he was in his mid teens then, but he would take his little toddler cousin down the water slide over and over again.
Memories can flood your mind... sometimes they hurt... sometimes they make you smile... and I am so thankful for memories... and that I can remember my cousin, my Aunt, my Uncle Stan, my Uncle Emelius, Bill Hayes, my friend Katie-Lynn, etc... and the care and love they showed. I can't wait to see them soon!
I was in the University of Alberta Hospital to meet with their registrars office about the admissions systems that they use (looking at the potential of a CRM system for the MBA program), but I won't bore you with those details.
As I left my meeting I tried to find a short cut and as I entered the cafeteria area I felt feelings hitting me deep inside of me and I had to get out of the Hospital as quickly as I could. I remembered the elevator and the white pipes and the smell and everything about it and it brought back horrible memories.
... I have not been to many funerals in my life, I had a cousin pass away in a car accident when I was 6 and then my aunt when I was 10, and that was it until I was around 20 or 21. For a while there I wondered how I had escaped the pain of a funeral and how much longer I could go in life with out that experience. I have felt that separation and pain a few time since then, but with that pain there are a lot of memories that flood a person's brain...
It is funny. No that isn't the right word. More like... interesting! Yeah, it is interesting that I have walked by the University of Alberta Hospital every day for the last 11.5 months to and from university, but these feelings never hit me until today. I had thought about entering those doors, as I heard that they would create a shortcut, but I never entered them until today. I even tried to find that short cut on two occasions only to find the wrong door, and then giving up and taking my normal route home today. Not today. Today I found my short cut, and I didn't want to be in this short cut anymore.
You see, the last time I was in that lobby, that cafeteria, was the last time that I saw my Auntie Hilda. I was barely 10 years old then, and I just thought it was an opportunity to go to where the Oilers played hockey! And I thought I could finally see Fantasy Land at West Edmonton Mall!
My Auntie was strong, nothing could take her down! The thought of her Aplastic anemia killing her never even entered my mind! I visited with her in the Hospital, but I KNEW she would get better.
And she did defeat that aplastic anemia, and I was so excited! I couldn't wait to go visit her and my Uncle Stan in Peace River! That place was magical, and we hadn't been able to go there in two years! But she never left that Hospital, she developed a staph infection and suddenly she was gone. I couldn't believe it, she was a rock, she couldn't be gone. I still can't believe it in many ways!
Those were the feelings that flooded my brain in the University Hospital, the thoughts that I had been here before, and not for a good reason. Then I realized that it was when I last saw Auntie... I could almost feel it, I could taste it and smell it and all those memories came back in a flood. Memories of everyone being hushed and sad... and memories of KNOWING she had to get better... but, she didn't get better...
I think that is also why I hate roller coasters, especially those ones at West Edmonton Mall. We spent a lot of time in the Hospital with Auntie when she was sick, but I was convinced that she would beat it, so my little brothers and I wanted to see the magical West Edmonton Mall. So, her son, and one of my favourite big cousin's, Duane, took us to go on the rides at West Edmonton Mall. It was awesome, but even back then it felt hollow because Auntie wasn't there with us!
As I walked back to work other memories started to flood my mind. I remembered Auntie chasing squirrels in her back yard with a broom, and then the next day giving us a little square of carpet that she said was the squirrel pelt (I still have that piece of material). Or memories of her finding the perfect sized photo album for me to organize my hockey card collection, and then helping me think of ways to sort them, but team, position, etc. Memories of going hunting for moose with her and Uncle Stan (another hero who passed away early 2009, I wrote a blog about him shortly after his funeral), and getting stuck, and needing to winch out, learning how to shoot a gun, and getting stuck again. Memories of watching "the Hobbit." Memories of playing with Duane's toys. And memories of Auntie taking Duane's toys away from us because, "Duane will get married someday and I want his kids to be able to play with these toys." (We probably would have wrecked them, but we loved Duane's toys and looked forward to them every year!). Memories of going for walks and climbing up the hill in the backyard to see if the train had driven over our coins during the night. Memories of Auntie making great meals for us. Memories of Auntie worrying about us. Memories of laying on their water bed, and playing with Uncle's bear skins! Memories of walking down the hill to church. Memories of climbing up that hill on the way back from playing in the play ground. Memories of going for chinese food after church. Memories of "12 foot" Davis! I remember Auntie Hilda even coming to help for harvest one fall! I thought this was amazing, my Aunt out there in the grain truck hauling grain late into the night with her younger brother (my Dad)! My Auntie Hilda was amazing, like super woman to me! Most of all I remember Auntie loving us, and Auntie's faith in God.
Then I thought of that first time that I felt the pain and sorrow of death. I remember coming home from our first ever Frank family reunion when I was 6. We had just come in the door and the phone rang. For some reason I knew that someone had died, I don't know why, but I knew it. God has blessed me with this type of premonition or gift of prophecy or something. I always seem to have a dream or something, almost like God is telling me to be prepared for the news before it happens. This has happened on several occasions, even when my dog passed away when I was 12, I knew before my parents told me. Anyway, my parents told me that my cousin Jim had died in a car accident while driving home from the reunion! I didn't know what to feel, I didn't believe it. Jim was such a cool cousin. I remember him at that family reunion, he was so full of life and had become such a man since I had last seen him! I respected him and wanted to be like him. He was living for God and I wanted to live like God like he was. I remember my cousin Joell's wedding when I was 4 or so years old. I don't remember the wedding, all that I remember is the hot tub and the water slide at the Motel. And I remember Jim. I remember that I loved that water slide. But, I would only go down it if Jim or my cousin Duane would go down with me. I would not let anyone else take me down! Not even my Dad! Jim and Duane would always lift me at the right time so that I wouldn't get my head under the water at the bottom of the slide! With everyone else I would get water in my eyes and nose. I mus have driven everyone nuts because I would just sit in that hot tub and people would offer to take me down the slide, but I would only go with Jim or Duane. I will always remember Jim, he was in his mid teens then, but he would take his little toddler cousin down the water slide over and over again.
Memories can flood your mind... sometimes they hurt... sometimes they make you smile... and I am so thankful for memories... and that I can remember my cousin, my Aunt, my Uncle Stan, my Uncle Emelius, Bill Hayes, my friend Katie-Lynn, etc... and the care and love they showed. I can't wait to see them soon!
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